Sometimes the journey through the wilderness is what prepares us to receive the truth.įriend, I don’t know where you are today. He lets him say these words he’s been holding onto as he traveled through the wilderness thinking there was no one left to serve God. In Elijah’s case, he knows he mistakenly believes he’s the only follower left. God doesn’t interrupt these prophets or cut them off as they’re explaining how they’ve arrived at this place. He wants the men whose hearts he’s after to see what he sees. To Elijah he asks, “What are you doing here?” (1 Kings 19:9) and to Jonah he asks, “Is it right for you to be angry?” (Jonah 4:4) God already knows the answer to these questions. He sees the things they’re not saying or asking. God doesn’t shy away from what’s really going on in these men’s hearts. And although he later takes the plant away to illustrate a point to Jonah, he doesn’t leave him. To Jonah he provides shade and eases his discomfort. Once he’s had time to regain his strength, he follows him to Mount Horeb. He lets him sleep and prepare for the long journey ahead. In Elijah’s distress, he sends an angel to him with food and water. He doesn’t yell, “How dare you say such a thing!” or act as though he can’t believe one of his own followers is making such a bold statement. God does not turn away from his children. He comes to them in their need and allows them to rest.Here are three ways God responds when his followers want to die: So how did God respond? Did he chastise them? Turn away and cast them into hell? Hide his face and let them wander in darkness? Because there are many who think God turns away from these types of feelings and cries of despair. What I want to talk about today isn’t their reasons, but God’s response. Their desire to die stemmed from very different emotions. But if we read their stories, we see one was afraid of a crazy king’s wife and the other was angry. Now, I’m not going to go into the details surrounding each man’s journey. For Jonah, the nation of Ninevah transformed from vile acts of brutality to repentance. At the point they stated their anguish, they had seen God perform the miraculous.
They were not far from God, but vessels of his message. He trusted them and set them apart in generations filled with people who worshiped idols, bowed to Baals and turned to everything but him to find fulfillment. These were men who God chose specifically to speak to and use. (See 1 Kings 19 and Jonah 4) These were men who not only thought about dying, but openly told God they wanted to. Want to see for yourself? Elijah and Jonah, who were both servants of the Lord and heard directly from him, stated they wanted to die. And the thought in my mind days after I read another sojourner’s words was, “Even some prophets dealt with this darkness.” People who love Jesus aren’t supposed to want to take their own lives, right? They’re supposed to have faith that can heal and a spirit that finds peace in his presence, right?
These are the types of conversations more of us need to have.ĭays after I read her story, its points still circled my mind and I found myself wondering, “Why do we so often want to remain silent about our own darkness?” The autopilot part of me knows the answer. Last week I read words from a courageous one who voiced a truth most of us don’t hear very often: Someone can love Jesus but still want to die. After having my first child, there were days I couldn’t wait to crawl into bed and slip into the abyss of sleep. To look out the window and try to feel anything other than the slow nothingness engulfing you. I know what it’s like to be in that space where you dread waking up.
I watched others speak up about their own experiences with depression and bravely tell their stories, and God stirred my soul. I nod and silently say, “Amen.”īut over the last weeks following the suicide of two well-known celebrities, I knew I needed to contribute more than hushed acknowledgement. I sit back and read other writers’ words. When there’s an event or tragedy making headlines and getting lots of attention in the media, that’s often what I am.
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